Shattered
by Purple Lex
Summary: A re-edit of my previously posted story of the same name.  My idea on Castle's thoughts after Kate is shot and the following wait at the hospital.


**A/N: **Wow, the premiere is going to be in.. oh, tomorrow! Wow, I'm out of touch.

Anyway, I originally posted this in June or something like that but I took it down because I got a good review by someone (sorry! I forgot your name, don't hate me!) who pointed out a couple flaws in my story - like why isn't Kate's father there and that Alexis was already at the funeral etc. Because I stupidly typed it up at 2:30 in the morning and didn't check the facts in it before posted. Ha.

So I've re-edited it and added some more things and ta-da! I actually managed to make it longer. *slaps self* I hope there aren't too many grammer errors because, while I don't have a Beta, I did re-read it many times over.

Almost last thing! I write very detail oriented - meaning I mention things that aren't really relevant and I delve very deep into what I perceive the thoughts of a character to be, so, if you don't like reading _that_ kind of writing then I suggest you turn away now.

Hope you enjoy it! If you absolutely hated everything about, well then, don't comment!

(I will give you a double chocolate chip cookie if you review though ;P)

**Disclaimer**: Nope, I don't own the show, characters or have any stake in it what-so-ever beyond a fangirl's thoughts. If I did, the episodes would be 3 hours each because of my insanely long writing.

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Castle paced the halls of the hospital for God-knows-how-many -times once more. He'd never much liked hospitals. It wasn't really that he hated them like some, nor that he liked them like others. It was just a distrust. It was being afraid of putting your trust in it, it's security, it's abilities, and then have it let you down.

So, instead, he paced the hallways.

Blindly, he recognized that the halls were relatively empty and that he'd passed a few of the nurses for the second, third and even the fourth time. He had walked them enough to know how the hallways went in a maze, like he'd fallen down the rabbit hole in the proverbial Alice and Wonderland.

Castle found himself once again at the doorway of the waiting room everyone was in, shoved in the corner of the hospital. It really was more like a closet. And the coffee was cold. Funny, the things you think of when you're emotionally... shocked.

He stepped inside and was forced to face, once again, the reason he was here. For Kate.

He hadn't allowed himself to cry when he she was shot and later taken to the hospital. Nor had he allowed him to shed tears since - at least not knowingly; it wasn't wise to have a breakdown when you're there to support someone else. Pushing those thoughts aside, he walked over and sat in one of the way too flatly-cushioned metal chairs. Alexis leaned over and wrapped her hand around his.

When the shock had worn off and he'd been told that "Now was the time for praying and waiting", which meant he settled in the waiting room with Alexis and his Mother. He knew how much they liked Beckett, and he, admitted, that he was glad they were there. But he was also feeling a bit guilty at them being there as well. Sure, he'd involved them in his cases all the time; but he'd treated it as another book when talking about it with them. At least at first. And then the lines got blurred as he started investing in the cases more and more and actually feeling like a detective - as absurd as that would sound out loud. The line was completely erased this afternoon when they saw Beckett get shot.

But here he was, thoughts racing 90 miles per hour, thinking of how everyone else would be affected but himself. It just hurt too much to think the latter. And it probably would for a long time.

He relieved, though, that Esposito and Ryan were there. But why wouldn't they be? Kate was their friend, co-worker and they wouldn't have missed Montgomery's funeral for the world. They had loved him; he was their pier to aspire to be. What little he had processed around him was that they had looks of thinly veiled distraught and sadness on their faces. But they all did. Lanie was waiting by with composure that was hard to match by anyone else. The tears were still there though, glittering off the dull fluorescent lights. Someone had called Jim, Kate's father. Maybe it was Esposito? Honestly, he'd just been glad that someone called him. Jim had been silently sitting in a chair for a long time after pestering the nurses with questions on her surgery progress the first hour he'd arrived.

Castle rubbed his face and put his left hand over his eyes. He was too tired to analyze what was going on around him like he loved to do normally. God, it had been a hell of a day.

Captain Montgomery's funeral had been hard on them,_ all _of them. Even if at the beginning he had just been shadowing Beckett, using her cases and experience, mannerisms and attitude as an inspiration, he'd become fast friends with her and with everyone else in the department.

He remembered how just a few days earlier, Esposito and Ryan were joking about how Montgomery would never retired but instead would come back again, more determined than the last time. He couldn't help but think about the slight irony of him having been forced into retirement; from the barrel of a gun that went back to his first days as a cop.

It seemed to have slipped all of their minds that maybe, just maybe, Lockwood would take the chance. At least, it had slipped_ his _mind.

He remembered how Kate stood at the podium, as sincere as ever, giving her speech on what a great man, boss and friend Montogomery was to them all. It really had been a great speech, a great tribute to him.

When he saw the flash out of the corner of his eye, probably 50 graves down and over, he dismissed it as the sun just reflecting off a flower vase or _something inanimate _at another grave. His heart stopped when he heard the gun shot and it shattered when he saw the bullet hit Kate.

It had all happened so fast, suddenly she was speaking and next the sound of a bullet, everyone ducking down, Kate falling back, him rushing to her side, her slipping away and him struggling to help her but his mind was drawing a blank on something, _anything_ to do to _help her_. When he saw her eyes fading, he hadn't _meant _to say it out loud. His mind was screaming for her to be okay, wake up, move, talk, _anything!_

In the back of his mind, he realized that by saying how he felt out loud, he was trying to keep her hanging on. He was trying to get her to comprehend why she couldn't let go so easily, why she couldn't slip away and leave behind what she had; because she didn't just have her job, her co-workers and friends, her apartment or her quest to bring her Mother's killer to justice.

She also had _him_. And he wasn't going anywhere.

**XxxxxxxxxxxX**

The doctor came an agonizingly slow 3 hours later. Castle couldn't focus on most of what he said; not that he was meaning to but he just couldn't bring himself to process words like shrap metal, removing of gallbladder, etc., knowing that the doctor was talking about Kate. He did realize, though, that she was lucky to be alive.

"...but only 1 person at a time, for now. For the next 24 hours she is at a risk of complications and, with the removing of the gallbladder, we don't want to risk any extra stress affecting her recovery." He looked around the room. "When you decide who goes first, you can just go right on in." With that, the doctor nodded and walked away.

Silent looks were exchanged around the room. Kate's father went first. No one was going to step in his way. She is is daughter, after all. Then it was Lanie and Esposito. Each time someone went, the clock slowed and each tick-tock of the little arms felt like hours.

Castle looked up when Esposito walked back in and smiled, commenting on how she looked alright and how she was a fighter so she'd come out of this. He met the eyes of Ryan, who simply nodded and stayed seated. He gave what he thought was a trace of a thankful smile before going back down the halls again.

_Room 262._ Absently, he pondered the number. Had he used it in one of his books before? He walked inside and closed the door behind him with a small_ click_.

Seeing Kate, hooked up to IV's and machines that he didn't recognize even remotely what they did made him feel like she'd been shot all over again. Like his heart was just shattered by a sledge hammer. Over and _over_.

He doesn't remember walking over and sitting on a chair next to her bed. Picking up her hand, he tried to think of something to say. If coma patients are thought to be able to hear you then just someone sleeping had to. Maybe it would only be in their subconscious but it was enough to say something.

But he kept drawing a blank. He swept some of the hair out of her face. She looked so peaceful. Even after she got shot and slipped into unconsciousness, did she looked beautiful. This small smile accompanied her face the whole time, too. Maybe she knew what he told her? Maybe she was dreaming? Maybe dreaming about her mother?

Finally, he rested his head on her bed with a sigh.

"Just... please Kate... please, please wake up." Silent tears fell for the first real time and met the gray sheets.

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**A/N2**: If you liked it, please take the time to review! Have a great day and who else can't wait for the premiere?


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